Sun. Jan. 3,2010

Loss of a child..

                                                        His name would have been Kyle. He was perfect and so beautiful. A child created from our love. You never think about loosing a loved one until it happens. Ihns before the accident, he was moving in my belly. I was overjoyed and rushing to meet my love when it all happened. It was sudden..unexpected. The news of losing him broke my heart to a million pieces. A pain I do not wish on anyone. I often find myself reaching to that emptiness in my womb only to find him gone but I know its a cycle of life. I will get through this and with the love of my life, Papo, by my side. I will overcome it.

We are both grieving, each in our own way. We do find comfort in each other. His words have made me stronger..I wasn't sure how I was going to tell the children but I did. Aram is still too young to understand but Soraya did feel my sadness and wept a few tears in my arms. This is the first time she has experienced death as I have..

I held her close and assured her everything would be alright. I am slowly regaining my strength and I do feel so much better but there are times when it suddenly hits me again. I go to my room and shed my tears when no one is looking. Then there are times when I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs to see if I can somehow relieve the pressure in my heart.

Every nerve in my body tingles..I know it will take time to get over this but my healing process has begun. I know we will have more children in due time. I do miss Kyle so much. Everyone has been so warm and kind. We received gifts which are heartfelt by many which have helped in soothing this aching heart of mine. The loss of a child is overwhelming, painful. I know he is in a better place, awaiting for us in the City of Dusts. We love you, our precious little darling and we miss you so much.