Wed. June 24,2009

Life is wonderful..

The fair is now over and I had a wonderful time. I bid in the silent auction and won a few items which have been sent to me. A sari and a beautiful robe which fits perfect.. A set of journals which prompted me to find this one and look through it. It has been quite a while since I last wrote in here. A little update I suppose wouldn't hurt. 

Soraya is now six. She has grown so fast. A beautiful girl who looks a lot like me but has a lot of her father as well. Every time she sees her father, the joy and happiness she displays is always wonderful to see. She loves her father very much and he loves her just as much. We came across him at the fair and he gave her a gift which she carries with her all the time. A figurine of a father and child and she loves to Show it to everyone she comes across, saying whom she is and whom her father is. I always chuckle softly when I hear her. I always tell her to keep it in her room so it doesn't break or she loose it  but she prefers it like a new toy..

Soraya was sent to walk around the grounds with Lucien while I shared a quiet moment with him. Nothing has changed in how I feel about him and he knows it. I am happy with how things are and will forever be. Every moment shared like the first time..a bond none could sever from my heart..when we are together, its like the whole world disappears in the distance and only he matters.

After the fair, I didn't ride in the caravan back home, I headed off in the opposite direction towards a small village in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't tell you how I even stumbled upon it. I met the villagers and found them to be good people. I stayed in an old woman's home for a few hands and I asked her if it would be alright to return, she agreed. It was then I headed back home..life for the most part is wonderful..I am extremely happy..found out when I arrived  I won the silent auction items and so much more...

 

Sun. July 5,2009

Carrying my second child..

About two moons ago, the men escorted me home and one of his men told me I was to pack a few things, they'd wait for me outside the gates. So the return home was short. Picking up a few things I needed as well as the delivered items of the Fair. I didn't ask any questions since there was no need to. I made sure I packed all of Sorayas dolls and the things she played with often. And most of my clothes.

I met the men outside the gates, my guards and the tarnsmen whom Aram placed escorted me as well. There was a reason for their telling me to pack. I found out when I arrived at my destination. I would be staying much longer than I thought. I have remained near the small village for a while now. I often visit with the old woman and we talk. She was the one who gave me the news of carrying my second child. I can not even begin to explain the joy and happiness I feel.

On the other hand, morning sickness is never pleasant but as for Soraya, I am sure after a short while it will subside. I am officially three moons and barely visible of any small bulge. Of course that is with my robes, no one can tell. I am hungry all the time but I am eating small portions in order to keep my food down.

I decided to send a few a scroll, letting them know I am well and not to worry about me. I told them I would do a little traveling in the process and enjoy the world around me. With him at my side, the world is but a mirage in the distance. My travels are far beyond from going onto a vessel or riding beasts to reach destinations. Our adventures start when we are together, how perfect can it get?  I left the old woman before it got dark, the men escorting me back to camp. I await his return..

 

Sun. July 12,2009

Our baby grows..

I remember laying in the furs watching him sleep when I first felt that soft flutter of life in my belly. I nuzzled close and wrapped my leg over him while gently kissing along his chest as not to wake him but my hand slowly slid down that small baby bump. Life growing inside me , a little being created from our love. How can I not be happy?

When he is away, I do take a few guards towards the village to visit with the old woman. After she examines me, we sit and talk for ahns. There are times when I feel so at home there. Maybe its just the hospitality.

Soraya loves being here too. She has always been a happy little girl but I see and feel she is most happy now. She will soon have a teacher and is very excited. I watched her play ball for a long time, the sight of her hugging him tight and playing was a priceless moment. Afterwards she went off with Layla for a bath and he came into the tent where we talked. I gave him the note I received from Aram and he responded to it instead. Afterwards I walked with him towards the river to bathe..

Mmmm...I love giving him baths and feeling his tender touch along my body. After a while we headed back to the tent to dress and relax.

Now I am almost five moons with child, more noticeable and I am glad the plans we had were changed. I do miss alot of my friends but I am home with the love of my life..

Our baby grows and I am so excited..so much planning to do and much shopping too....

:The journal put away for the time being:

 

Mon. July 20,2009

My sister..

 

We went for a walk last night.. Soon after a woman entered with a guard and there was something about her that caught my attention. He even said she looked a little like me. She held a necklace in her hand, it resembled one I had long ago. Bringing back so many memories for me about my family who I had not seen in so long. 

It was the mention of my name that had me moving closer to her and when I called her name. She responded. I could not be much happier. We have so much to talk about and now am so worried for her. I have my guard Dirk guarding her and the other whom she hired is being paid as well. I thought about a home for her so I figured I would send her my home in the city but am glad to say, He has asked her to remain with us. She is so excited. I think she sees it more as an adventure. 

The necklace which she held did belong to me, she returned it. I wear it with the necklace He gave me long ago which I never remove..

 

 

Sat. July 25,2009

Six Moons

Six moons ago I discovered that I am pregnant,
Changing my world forever;
A simple prelude to the infinitely complex phenomenon of life.
My eyes smile at me in the mirror, with excitement, questions and incredulity,
I put my hand on my belly and laugh “Am I really going to have a baby?”
Me, I, we? Yes. How amazing. How wonderful.
Any bad habits stop, old life stops…New life starts,
how great it feels to get over my weaknesses,
as I am acting instinctively on what's best for our child,
our child is, without knowing, prompting what is best for me.
Pregnancy: a commitment that sets me Free...to love unconditionally..

Words set to rence in the spur of the moment as I sit here by the river reflecting on everything that has happened. Words can not explain the wonderful feeling which overwhelms me each time our baby kicks. It won't be long before I hold this precious little being in my arms. Our child. At night when you hold me close and I look into your sleeping face I can't help but love you even more. Some may think love does not exist on Gor but I have to disagree. From the moment you touched, kissed and claimed me as yours so long ago. Each beat of  my heart beats solely for you. Love, a splendid emotion I am thankful for. I can say without a doubt in vars to come. I loved..I loved with my very soul.

My other love..Soraya, she makes me laugh when she comes to me and rubs at my belly, hoping its a sister I carry. A little kiss placed before she runs off to play. I watch her from the distance, so happy and filled with life. I have come to love our new home, my new life..I went to the old woman who tells me everything is going well. I am now six moons.

 

Sat. Aug 15, 2009

Nine Moons

A couple of moons ago, He asked me to send word to Aram. He wanted him to come to see us. When Aram arrived I was very happy. I had been sitting outside the cafe and he sat between us. They both talked, I found out a few things I didn't know which brings much to light and Aram was told that I was with him and that I was carrying his second child. I was relieved to see Aram somewhat knew and was happy for us. Aram spent the night at camp and was off to tend to things the next morning. 

I can't believe how fast time is moving. It feels as though just the day before I had found out I was with child and here I am nine moons after with a swollen belly and our baby kicking up a storm inside me. I visited the old woman at the village and she tells me everything looks good. I am so excited because I know I will soon hold our baby in my arms. He has already chosen a name for him if the baby is a boy which I pray it is. Soraya is still hoping for a little sister. In either case I will be happy because it is our baby created from our love.

Life outside the City walls is so much different but each day I learn something new which makes it easier. I have never complained and won't. I love being out in the open with him. Moreso at night when his strong arms wrap around me and holding me tight, keeping me safe. His strong hand moving over my swollen belly with gentle caresses. The thought alone makes me smile.

Since we saw Aram, I brought up his visit and the things told to him just last night. Since we have been together I have never spoke about Him to anyone. I can do so now. Although I would like to go to the highest peak and lift my voice to the whole world of Gor, letting all know I am His woman but it is those close to me whom I will inform. I have been His for so many en'vars, that has never changed but this is the first time I don't need to hide it.

 

Tues. Aug 18, 2009

In Labor..

 

I had been feeling a bit of discomfort for a couple of days, not giving it much thought. Last night as I tried to sleep, I couldn't. Laying on my side with leg draped over him as he slept. I only watched him, my hand moving gently over the tightening swell of my belly and I knew I was in labor. I didn't wake him since the pains aren't that close. Instead I rose from the furs and headed outside the tent and walked for a while around the camp area. A few of his men closely watching me which I was grateful for.

When the first lights of La Torvis came over the water, the sight was amazing. Yet I found myself taking deep breaths as the labor pains were sharper. One of his men moving closer to me in case I needed him to help me back to tent..I assured him I was fine. Instead I had him and a few of his men take me to the old woman at the village. She examined me and assured me the baby would soon be born. Now I am feeling more anxious..

He wasn't able to be there for Soraya but I hope he is for our new baby.  Either case, I will welcome our son or daughter with love..

 

 

For my Unborn baby..

To feel you move inside me just takes my
breath away.
The thought of holding you on my side makes
the anticipation grow more and more each day.

I dream of how wonderful this life for you
will be, and although it has it's ups and
downs you can always count on me.

I will sacrifice more than you know just to
see you smile,
As long as you know that what I do is
because I've loved you all the while.

Fri. Aug 21, 2009

Our Son is Born..

His timing couldn't have been more perfect. Arriving at camp and his men informing him that I was in labor. He rushed towards our tent and came by my side. The old woman had everything prepared and had assured him the baby would soon be born. I was overjoyed to see him at my side. He came behind me and held me tight, his hand running smoothly along my tightening belly. I was happy. It only took me a few pushes and he was born..

While the woman worked as quickly as she could, she smiled over to him and spoke those beautiful words I longed to hear..A Son. We have a son..He moved to his sons side and pressed his hand at his small back. I was so overwhelmed, I cried happy tears..The old woman clamped the umbilical cord and passed him the scissors which he took and cut. 

He kissed my lips and I too pressed loving kisses to his. We both professed our love. He left the tent so the old woman could continue what she was doing. By the time she left, the area I laid at was cleaned. The baby was washed and wrapped in a warm fur and handed over to me. I hugged the woman and told her I would come to visit as soon as I could. He would send pay as well. She agreed.

After the old woman left. I unwrapped our son, counted and kissed all his little fingers and toes and took in that beautiful scent. He stirred and cried which had my smile growing. Soraya soon ran inside the tent, excited and I sat up and pulled her into my arms. She was tender with him, saying how tiny he was which I nodded to. She had wanted a sister so bad but she told me that she didn't mind a little brother. I kissed her up and held her in my arms, my two loves from the man I have loved for so many en'vars. I assured her, in the future, I would have another as he promised I would and it may actually be the sister she wants and that beautiful smile of hers blossomed. She kissed his cheek and was off to tell Layla.

I lifted him up with so much care and pressed him to my bosom where he fed. Humming the soft lullabies I once sang to Soraya. As soon as he was sound asleep, I laid him in my arms and we both slept. I was exhausted..Our son is finally in my arms..On his return, He will name him..

Sat. Aug 29, 2009

Our son was named..

He held our son and smiled, turning to me, he said his name would be, Aram Ghiles Sinis. The name was perfect. Aram has no idea..well I think he doesn't but when Aram visited, He did mention to Aram he'd name him after him if it was a boy. I received the gifts sent by Aram, the bassinet is beautiful. He is never far from my arms when he wakes in the middle of the night to feed.

I am so happy, I can't begin to explain this happiness. The love of my life sees it. In my eyes, in my smile when I look into his beautiful eyes. The joy when he holds me to him and whispers how much he loves me and I respond with similar words. I often think back a few times I asked him to bless me with another baby but at the time, the circumstances were different. I understood..

Once I became his woman. There was no holding back on giving me what I have always dreamed about. Having his children.

Aram Ghiles Sinis.

The name chosen for our son by his father..

 

Wed. Oct. 21, 2009

Promises...

The children have kept me busy so I haven't had time to sit and write down the latest of my wonderful life. With Aram taking a nap and Soraya with the slave Layla and my love, Papo resting. I figure I will sit and write..Let's see..Where should I begin? I remember back a few moons when Papo returned and he seemed in a rather bad mood. I did ask if everything was alright but I never pry, if he wants me to know he will tell me. He looked to me and I could see he wanted to say much but he didn't. Which was alright. Getting him out of that mood was easy. I soon had him smiling that beautiful smile I adore. Making him forget his troubles. He asked for some cosian wine which I soon had in my hands along with his goblet and I sat right into his lap. He wanted me to sing him a song, I had not sung in so long but I would do anything for him. As I sang and he drank,  I could see it brought us both memories of the first time I sang for him. How I stirred him, that fire ignited in both our souls for one another which had him pulling me under him. We made love like that first night..filled with love and passion..

Every moment shared has only brought us closer. The En'vars we shared made our love blossom like wild flowers. Fast tracking to the recent events, he returned to camp and we have shared each day together. I took care of my mans needs. While making love to me, he wanted me to promise him a few things..Promises I have kept for the many En'vars we have been together. I did verbally agree to each with ease. He knew I have always stood by him through thick and thin. I would forever do so..

We have loved each other for so long. Many never knew but we did.. Many will think what they will and still have no clue to anything. I have never loved any man like I love Papo. He is my soulmate..always was from the very start. Many are quick to whisper that I am a slut in robes because of my past. I do not get offended by it. It's my past. BUT..the times I made love to Papo..Yes I will agree to being his in all ways..however he desired..I was His..Am His and will forever be His..

 

Thurs. Nov. 5, 2009

Our growing family..

He was sound asleep or so I thought while I tended to the children. I was watching Soraya with layla for a little while on the camp grounds  before I closed the tent flap. As I turned I couldn't help softly laugh seeing our baby boy standing there. More like wobbling a bit but he did manage to stand. Papo had opened his eyes to see him and when I set out towards him, you could see how fast he wanted to move but those little feet would not carry him anywhere. Instead he flopped to the furs but he did crawl quickly into his fathers arms who held him close. 

I sat close to my love and kissed his lips softly and we began to talk. I made him breakfast and took Aram in my arms to feed after his playtime until he fell asleep. Time has gone by so quickly, Soraya is already seven and a half and in another moon, Aram will be an en'var. He asked me if I wanted another baby, which in truth he didn't have to ask.  He knows I always wanted to give him many children from our love.  I know we will have many children together. After I set Aram down , he pulled me in his arms and held me close. His smile spoke more than words ever could and I could see how happy he is and that he wants our family to grow..Therefore, I  know I will be with another child soon..

I can't wait to get the news of being with child again.  Children is an extension from our love which brings us much joy. But there is nothing much greater than the real love we share..an undying love which grows more with each passing day. Each time he whispers in my ear how much he loves me, his words make my heart skip endless beats. I return those whispers just as soft..There was never a doubt in my heart of how much he loved me. I am the happiest woman in the world and he is the happiest man. We both see that in each others eyes. We have always been a family, although a secretive one at first. It doesn't change the fact we were.  I have often heard people conversing in reference to love and if it even exists. We are the example of its existence. A love I never thought I'd feel. That love came alive when he held me close after I sang to him many vars ago. The grip he held to my very soul. His tender kiss, the need for one another. The day I became his, heart, body and soul. We made passionate love, an addiction which grew in both which we could not deny. We longed for one another. A love which you'd think you couldn't love more but then you realize its an endless love..THAT LOVE.. is US. Now we don't have to hide anymore, the world knows I am His Lady..His woman, His love and He is mine... I have his children and our family is growing..

Mon. Nov. 9, 2009

Terrifying experience outside Schendi..

About a hand ago, Papo had gone out with his men. While he was gone, I decided to go for a walk around the camp grounds. As I drew deeper through the trees, a sound kept luring me in. It was beautiful, serene. I parted some vines and walked through to see a beautiful waterfall. The colors of the flowers were vivid and breath taking. I remained there for a time, enjoying the tranquility and thinking about my love. When I was returning back to camp, he happened to return. I was so happy to see him but I also noticed he was quite pensive and quiet. We headed to our tent and talked. Each moment we share is magical. He held me close, his whispers always making me smile and in no time he was smiling too. I had told him about the place I had found and wanted to take him there but he told me we were breaking camp and heading out. I began packing..

It took us a few days to arrive and camp was set just outside Schendi. I felt restless and nervous, the men were more on alert this time as the area was filled with dangerous beasts. There were perimeters set and the children were told not to explore beyond that area..That worried me because Soraya loved to explore. I was feeding Aram and placing him to the furs when I heard a scream , my heart dropped as I knew who it was..Soraya. I was rushing towards her scream but one of  his men held me back. A few moments after, I saw Papo carrying her back to camp, she held onto him with such a tight grip and her tears stained her cheeks. She was frightened by a larl and her father was there to protect her. I was so relieved..

After being scolded by her father, I held onto her..my little angel. I could not even bare the thought of loosing my children, they are my life. After she calmed, the slave was also whipped for being so careless. Soraya was safe and resting.  I moved to Papo's side and held him tight. Grateful he was there..We returned to our tent. We both needed a drink after that ordeal but after a thought, I didn't want one, not even a little. Perchance I am with child, I told him that and he smiled that beautiful smile I adore..

He didn't have to go anywhere so we spent the time together. Doing various things..Mmmmm...I am so happy. Just the thought of him makes my heart skip a beat..I love him so much..

 

Sat. Nov. 28, 2009

It is confirmed..

I did go see Lurch to inform him that Papo agreed to his tending to me through out my pregnancy. He asked me to come see him and he confirmed I am with child. I was 2 moons when I went to him, today I am 3 moons. I have been eating more fruits and it has helped alot with the morning sickness. I now have that baby bump, after a bath I look at the changes my body is going through. Although I have had two other children with my love Papo. Its always amazing to watch the transformation of a new being growing inside me. Our child..

Aram is now walking. He hasn't quite perfected it but he now attempts to run off when he can. He always makes me laugh. Soraya is growing so fast. Just the other day we had a long talk. She told me her father told her she was more special amongst his children. She was surprised to learn she had other brothers and sisters. When she inquired he told her she was his love child. His only love child which made her feel even more special. He explained a few things to her but when she came to me. I told her the whole story. I am not going to hide anything from her. She is very special to me. A gift given to me long ago from the man I love. A gift I cherish to this very day..She was even excited about making her Pape some tea. Real tea, which had me laughing as she told me the story. She is so very happy..I see alot of me in her..She doesn't play much with her dolls anymore so I give her a few lessons in Scribing. Until she makes up her mind as to what she wants to do with her life as she gets older. 

I sit just outside our tent watching the children in the camp play. I think about my life and how complete it is and has been since I met Papo vars ago. The thoughts make me smile. I felt complete with just him in my life. To this very day. I am complete with Him. I don't need anything or anyone but Him. He is my soulmate, has always been. I make him happy. He makes me so happy. We complete each other..Forever..

Sat. Nov. 28, 2009

My love Papo..