Monday, Jan. 8, 2007

Meeting Cal..

I joined a few of the city and it was then I met Cal. One by one leaving the area until we were alone. It was unbelievable the time spent. Time just flew by and into the night we remained in each others company. We had discussed many things, even the subject of love. I don't think he believed I was over Dom. I truly am. 

There were instances we flirted with one another and I have to admit, he made me feel things I had not felt in a long long time. We had dinner and afterwards he went off and I stayed a bit longer, reflecting on many things said. When I returned to the Manor that evening. Much to my surprise I found a bouquet of yellow flowers. They were beautiful. I finally fell asleep after thinking so much about him with one single stem held in my hand. 

The following day, we were to have lunch. I arrived when he was speaking with Wyld. Wyld spoke very over protectively of me and I am pleased with that. He told me I seemed to have an admirer and asked me if I would like this admirer to get to know me better. I knew he spoke of Cal and agreed. We have spent many days together. I believe more than a hand has passed and kings, this man has swooned me beyond belief.

I seem to loose myself in thoughts of him, missing him when he isn't near but the worst is craving him. After careful thoughts I have come to realize that I am falling for this man and I think he knows..He has proven to be one who is honest and he tells me his heart belongs to another. He doesn't want to lie to me ever and I admire that but where does that leave me? I know he cares for me and when we are both together, there is a longing between both. 

I suppose I will have to hope for the best and see where life takes us? I don't want to loose him. I find happiness and something always seems to come in and destroy it all. I hope I am wrong. He wants to speak to my protector who is Wyld. Maybe that is a sure sign of whats to come? I will have to be patient . I have been alone this long, a bit longer will not hurt. Although my body says otherwise. It is not my fault I can desire Him the way I do..I have to believe him, I will believe Him..

We have had wonderful conversations, truths of my past have been shared and therefore he knows of this fire which now burns like an inferno. The simplest of kisses, his soft touch to the small of my back when we walk side by side, his breath when he draws me close..his scent which drives me to a frenzy. He may not love me like a woman hopes and dreams but I will love him as a man deserves to be loved. He has already stolen a big piece of my heart and no doubt he will consume it in no time as he has also done to my body and soul..

Of course..this is,  if HE,  indeed  wants me at his side..If not..then I will go back to what I had and keep my hopes alive..

 

Friday, Mar. 16, 2007

Anything is possible...

I found him to be easy to talk to. He was mysterious, intriguing and a friend. His name, Papo. It was on my way home when I came across his place and I stopped in for midnight conversation. The evening was pleasant. Lucien sent home with the pretense everything would be alright. I was safe..

I drank wine that night, something I never did and felt the soothing effects. I was asked to sing and although nervous, I did. I had not in so very long because of reasons of my past. The first song was finished and I could see in his eyes he was moved. He liked it. I sat back down and we spoke about the effects certain songs would have on  men, I asked if I could sing him one. I chose one with strong sexual content and although he asked me to remain seated, there were times I did ease closer and it was then I felt his grip of fist in my hair.

No, I did not fight back. Would that had made a difference? I have come across many men whom would say it didn't matter if I fought or not then I came to learn there were those who honored it. Perhaps a mistake made by me. He held me close and yes I have to admit, I liked it. 

People don't  understand the battle I fight every passing day although it has become somewhat easier. The men,  I think would whisk me away to live in happiness have proven that I would never feel that joy..Its what I think. One man turned his back on me after telling me he loved me, choosing what he loved more. Another although enjoys my company loves another and although he made that clear to me, it does hurt to know. I felt a pull, I thought I could easily love him but he has been gone as well. It was a similar pull with Papo but different if that makes sense. Once his collar was locked on my throat was when I gave myself to him. I was his..His slave. I made love to that man. We were as one and I felt that electricity which struck us both in the same way.  In a sense, I think he felt the same way too. It didn't need to be verbalized. I could see it in his eyes and kings I felt so alive.

After sometime and being questioned by Wyld was when the collar was removed. I am again  a freewoman but I am now left more confused than ever. I am an entertainer, I was asked to entertain and by city law it is forbidden to collar and if a man felt a collar was needed, he was to take the woman to the one in whose house she stayed. That is what I was told but I can't help feel as though I am responsible for a good man leaving the city without intent of ever returning.

Again I am taught anything in this world is possible..There are times I feel I need to runaway and hide for sometime until I can make sense of all this. I even mentioned to Lucien to take me back to Halas, my loss if I choose to leave..everything..and that includes Lucien unless he decides to come with me and now he is a bit angry with me and I can't blame him. When I lay to sleep at night, my last whisper before sleep consumes me..

"I am so sorry Papo , I have no regrets I was yours for a night"

Wed., April 11, 2007

A Dream that felt so real..

I awoke in a sheen of sweat, my heart thumping loudly in my chest and when I searched around the room, I was searching for him but it was then I realized. It was all a dream. A dream so vivid and real that left me breathless. I had not felt like this in a very long time. A yearning and desire which keeps me in bed as I write this. It goes like this....

"I had gone to see him again, the place was quiet. Flowers blooming everywhere and their scent was so entrancing. At first I didn't know what to say but as I drew closer, words just flowed so easily as they always had countless times before. At first we spoke about that day and I apologized to him. I had seduced him although I didn't want to face it. He intrigued me, he was mysterious. The conversation stirred emotions I never thought I could feel again and when so close to him. I needed to feel him closer. A grip to my hair had me pressing against him, I touched him in ways I knew could stir a man. I kissed his lips so tenderly  and it wasn't long before I was lowering to my knees before him. "I want you" was all he said to me and I gave myself to him. His collar graced my throat yet again. We made love like two lovers would. We expressed our desires and love for one another..I was his and he left me breathless. "

The dream seemed to last for countless ahns. It was then I awoke..searching for him as the dream did seem so real. I could still taste him on my lips, feel his body on mine and felt his claim deep inside me. Even in a dream I am left whimpering, writhing and seeking more. After coming to my senses and realizing it didn't happen. The dream alone left me content. Another day to follow through. I move on..::The book set down to bathe and oil and dress herself when she returned to lift writing stick and continued:: 

Refreshed, yes I feel so refreshed. I have decided to leave Jasmine. I met with Wyld and informed him of my decision. I will be leaving tonight. Seemed there had been rumors about me being collared but standing before him was proof enough they weren't true. I will miss him so much. He stood by me as none ever did before and for that I will be forever grateful. With things packed, I now move on..perhaps to find my destiny in however fate sees fit. A woman can dream, can't she? I am sure I will find happiness soon enough. Being free has agreed with me thus far and I think I will just enjoy life a day at a time and not worry so much about anything anymore. Today I feel so alive and yes I am a Freewoman. .::smiles, the book closed and put away as the wagon is packed::

((The least I can be given is this in reference to the RP when Papo collared Bella. We had intensed RP and I will miss it. I felt it a waste of great RP to just let things go. Therefore I felt a dream on her part would be sufficient to pacify what was Rped and lost. IN NO WAY  is this entry referring to anything THEY had because the SL was VOIDED.. It is just A DREAM. It never happened but it doesn't  mean Bella didn't enjoy it ::grins:: Thank you and happy gaming! ))

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Claimed but he has disappeared

I was packed and ready to leave Jasmine when he came into my room. We talked for some time and before I knew it I was claimed. He left me with coin and his ship to sail wherever I wanted to go. He'd be following behind but it has been many moons and I haven't seen him since..

I left the remainder of his coin with his men on the ship, the ship still docked and a scroll.  I decided to head out on my own. I do miss the old man but who knows if I will ever see him again..only time will tell.

I think I will rely on Lucian as I have been doing and stay to myself. I have decided to pick up some sort of hobby to keep myself distracted and a definite kajiru when those times arise, that is IF I could convince Lucian. ::chuckles:: The man refuses.

 

 

 

 

Saturday, Aug. 25, 2007

Proud owner of a ship..

Patience..a virtue which pays off. I went to see Wyld instead of heading towards the docks to attain the ship Cal had gave me to travel with. I explained to him the circumstances in reference to Cal claiming me and leaving me with a bag full of coin and his ship.

I told him it was close to two en'vars and I had not seen Cal so if it was possible to take the ship to travel. He said since I was Cals companion, the ship was mine which pleased me very much. I spent a bit longer with him before I left the Manor and went to Lucien and Dirk. The grin on my face told them the ship could be used, until I told them the ship was now mine.

We headed towards the docks and I went to the one whom I had left the bag full of coins and asked for it. He did return it after I spoke to him. Lucien is left in charge to ready the ship for travel. I know very little of ships. I am so excited, no clue where we would head to first but I am definitely hoping for an adventure.

I am tired of just waiting around for something to happen. Its time I took matters into my own hands. I hope Cal doesn;t get too upset if he ever returns. But I OWN A SHIP!! How splendid is that..

Saturday, Dec. 8, 2007

Mysteries of life..

I have decided to change my life, entertainer only on occasion. I have been struggling to become a scribe. So much to learn and no mentor in sight but I have accomplished alot. I have learned that when I want something, I have to go get it and not depend on anyone. 

My life has been just that, dependence on men. Waiting for them to tell me what to do in order for me to act. I hope those days are over but deep down inside I know its only a matter of time before I loose it..With the experience of a few men entering my life and within the blink of an eye, they disappeared. The best thing to do was to move on with my life and just take each day as it comes. I have done that. Since I was set free a few en'vars back, I thought I would not make it again but I have been steadfast. I am free although at times lonely.

I acquired a ship since the man who claimed me as his woman disappeared. The ship he gave me to travel and all the coin was mine to keep. I received the papers to my ship and I put it up for sale,  I have been given an offer for it and I think I will sell it and buy me another. That ship only brings back memories I wish to forget. The memories not worth dwelling on. On the other hand...

Life has had and is filled with mysteries and I came to cross paths with a couple of men of my past..We talked about alot of things and reminisced on our pasts. I am happy their lives are fulfilled. I wish them the best. I realize that when I love, I give my all and that makes me very weak. I loved in my past but one in particular remained buried deep down inside, I tried not to think much about him because of many reasons but I did come across him as well.  He noticed I looked on him like I had so long ago. A kiss led to so many things and a closeness which is beyond words. I do see him on occasion so who knows what my future will hold.

I still live life as it comes, one day at a time. I will strive for my accomplishments first and dwell on the future later. I have a plan and it will be fulfilled..and that is to become a Scribe.

 

Thursday, Dec. 13, 2007

A treasured gift..

I was summoned to meet him. I went and found a wonderful surprise. When I entered his tent, music played outside. There was food laid out in the center. Wine to share. Nothing could compare to see him walking in. His smile, his moist body from bathing not long before..he called me to him and I lowered at his side. He reached for a small box which he passed to me and I took. When I opened it, I was lost for words. It was a beautiful necklace. It had a meaning and he spoke these words to me. "Each pearl represents the moons of Gor. The centered one, the darkest is the prison moon, My heart, imprisoned by you." 

I was left speechless, No one had ever said anything like that to me. Not only was it romantic but this gift is above anything I had ever received from a man. I crawled into his lap and wrapped my arms around him,  I didn't want to let go. Thanked him with a loving kiss and handed it back to him so he could put it around my neck. I will always wear it, never will it be taken off. When I am alone, it brings me comfort. I hold it in my palm and it makes me smile to know how much we love and care for one another and it now brings more definition when I glance up to the three splendid moons of Gor, its centered one..treasured..for we have imprisoned one another.

We spent the evening, talking. He asked of my past and I have decided to share it with him and tell him of my life..The food and drink, perfect. The music outside soothing to my ears. His touch, craved. I feel so at ease in his arms. No fear even though I know he is a killer. One thing was made clear. I am His. I belong to Him in so many ways and it is something I have always known deep down inside. I will never speak his name and my private life is just that, private.

We fell asleep in each others arms that night and I awoke with him close to me. My leg draped over him like a blanket. Watching him as he slept. Loving him..allowing my love to surface and give it to him..I am His..